Don't Aim for Emotional Stability — Aim for a Stable Core
A popular saying claims that the highest accomplishment of an adult is emotional stability. After 40 years of studying psychology, I have to say that this statement is flawed. Emotions are never the enemy; they are signals. Anger signals a violated boundary, anxiety signals an unmet need, and sadness is information that something important has been lost. Suppress an emotion and it will not disappear — it will only come back at you in another form. What we need is not emotional stability but a stable core. Research at the University of California shows that simply naming an emotion and expressing it lowers activity in the amygdala and the emotion begins to subside. You do not need to become emotionless; you need to not be carried away by your emotions.
Don't Aim for Emotional Stability — Aim for a Stable Core
A saying is popular right now: the highest accomplishment of an adult is emotional stability.
There is a problem with that statement.
Emotions Are Never the Enemy — They Are Signals
Why is it problematic? Because emotions are never the enemy. Emotions are signals.
- Anger: a signal that a boundary has been violated.
- Anxiety: a signal that a need is not being met.
- Sadness: information that something important has been lost.
If you force it down, it will not disappear — it will only come back at you in another form.
What We Need Is Not Emotional Stability, but a Stable Core
Emotions can come, and they can go. But your self-evaluation — your sense of who you are — must stay steady.
The Psychology Research from the University of California
Research at the University of California has found that simply naming an emotion and expressing it — "I feel disappointed right now," "I feel wronged right now" — lowers activity in the amygdala, and the emotion begins to subside.
You do not need to become emotionless. What you need is to not be carried away by your emotions.